Lord, Open the Doors
Posted On March 2, 2006
In a wonderful book called THE IMPACT OF GOD, Fr. Iain Matthew explains that the Christian agenda, as taught by St. John of the Cross, is “to come to want what God wants.”
Simple? Yes. Easy? No. At least not for me. In my better moments, I at least want to want what God wants, but all my other wants, big and small, keep popping up, competing for my attention.
In a way, my spiritual life can be compared to emails and web surfing. My prayers are like email notes to God, asking for advice, direction, and grace, but the mailboxes of my heart and mind are so deluged with spam that His responses are often bounced away. I periodically try to log on to His website, but then those dreaded pop-up menus flash in front of me, distracting me and leading me away.
Sometimes I can blame the spam and pop-ups on the world or the devil, but most times they originate in the flesh – me! I get a sense of what seems to be God’s will, His “script” for me at that moment. But then I unconsciously begin to take ownership of it, and the persistent messages of my own pop-up ideas and wants lead me to start following other scripts of my own making.
What I need is some way to filter out all the spiritual spam And reset my browser preferences to block those annoying pop-ups of my self-will.
What has helped me most in this ongoing struggle is a simple prayer given to me by a priest friend of mine. It’s a wonderful, easy-to-remember prayer for discernment of God’s will. And it’s a great reminder that my most important agenda is to come to want what God wants:
“Lord, open the doors You want open, and close the doors You want closed.”
Sometimes I need to repeat it over and over until I really mean it, because there are times I don’t even want to want what God wants. I’m too afraid of what that’s going to mean, too afraid of what I might have to let go of. The problem, according to Fr. Matthew, is that we’re too “glued to ourselves.” Even in our desire to be holy we get caught up in trying to do it ourselves, instead of allowing God to do it in us.
I find this especially true in Lent. I tend to focus on doing things I think I should do instead of focusing on God and allowing Him to do what He wants to do in me. The Lenten question for me should be, not “what can I do to become holy?” but “what can I get out of God’s way?”
So at every little intersection or crossroad of the day, every moment of decision, of confusion, of frustration, of uncertainty, of anxiety or fear, I simply repeat this little prayer and try to turn it all over to God.
Sometimes I get a strong sense of God’s presence; sometimes a clear discernment or direction; sometimes none of the above, and so I still have to make a decision in darkness. But I’ve reminded myself that God is God and I’m not. I’ve renewed my trust in Him and reawakened my desire to do His will in all things. Once I’ve turned it all over to Him, it’s His business whether I make a right or wrong decision. Sometimes I even remind Him of that:
“Ok, Lord, I’ve turned this all over to You the best I can, and I want to do Your will. Since I’m not getting a clear direction, I’m just going to decide something, trusting that You will be in that decision and that You really do turn all things to good for those who love You” (Romans 8:28).